- They're hungry: Zombies know from the get-go what they want, and they're determined to get it. They don't wander down the street wistfully remembering how they used to hang out at the coffee shop they're passing on the way to your house. As soon as they've dusted themselves off, they're looking for protein.
- They're focused: When zombies want something, they pursue it with single-minded purpose. If one sees you in a group of fresh meat and decides you're lunch, then it's going to shuffle in your direction. Your friends can make all the noise they want as they scatter and it won't matter. Zombies set themselves a goal, and then go after it.
- They're flexible: Zombies may seem mindless, but they've enough gray matter left to know when a window's a better bet than a door, or the cellar's a more likely place to find you than an attic.
- They're tenacious: Nothing gets in a zombie's way short of heavy armaments. A tree falls in front of its path? It steps around it. Shutters nailed shut? It pulls them apart. Other zombies? Sorry, fellas, someone's going to eat this brain and it may as well be me.
Career Advice from Zombies
I've had zombies on the brain lately, and I'm not sure why. No one's been chasing me through the woods, and though I have a propensity to whine when I have to haul stuff around the yard, none of my limbs are falling off. I guess it's because every time I turn around, I see something about zombie movies, or zombie TV shows, or zombie books. I can't help but look out the back window and think I'm seeing zombie blue jays and zombie squirrels. Zombies don't have much of a career path to follow, which is too bad. Much of their approach to things would serve them well in a job search -- at least to the point of scoring them an interview. Consider: